l.e.t.t.i.n. g.o.

“By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond winning.” Lao Tzu

Back is adjusted. Body is healing. It was so good to see Kate today and get to vent and sort out our situations. After all this mamba jamba, I'm commiting to letting go.

Worrying about the future only messes with what you've got going on in the present. With all that's been running in my mind, I feel super foolish thinking I needed to keep up with other peoples' hustle. When I stop to focus on my own goals and style is when I can achieve and succeed at my own hustle, and own the shit out of it.

I'm understanding now that what I have to offer is NOT what other people have put on the table. What I have is a piece of me that the world has yet to see and that I am destined to share and put out for others to enjoy and benefit from. No more conforming. I'm here to give what I have going on, cuz what I have is fucking awesome and the world wants it hella bad.

The world covets my gifts. And lucky for it, I'm about to give it all the glory I have to offer.

Watch out now...

Spotty Dottie lazy day

Took advantage of spending time with my best friend while the boyfriend did his own thing today. Had breakfast, coffee, and even did our nails. Feeling relaxed and pretty :)

My next move will be to crack open a new book from Val's library. Happy summer!

My morning prayer...

Thank you Lord for this awesome day. I'm grateful for my to-do list and for the many fabulous people in my life. I'm happy to receive your blessings in all the many forms that you send them. May your hustling mercy be upon me and my loved ones as we embark to take on this day.

Lehgo!

Amen.

I've got to keep on movin'

I am beginning to understand the concept of "timing is everything."

Have you ever had a minor or even major twinge of jealousy for moving on too soon? Or maybe worse, not moving on when you had the chance?

While I see posts on FB of friends my and former colleagues receiving their once-in-a-lifetime award of MLB World Series Rings for being a part of the SF Giants family, I drool, I sob a bit, and I vow to keep on movin'. When I decided to leave the world of baseball and ballparks to begin flying the friendly skies, I tried not to look back. One unbelievable National League Division and World Series win later, it's a little hard not to want to be a part of that all over again.

Flying has brought so many joys to my life, don't get me wrong. However, I'm feeling another need for change. A need to keep on movin'. In that spirit I completed a super hardcore workout from BodyRock.tv to literally get up and start moving. Visit the website and try the workouts, the motivation there is incredible and kicks my butt every time.

Next up... Getting my mind and energy moving. I'm really stoked about the Morning Whip seminar hosted by TheDailyWhip.com. And though it'll be quite the investment, I feel like the timing is dead on. I'm ready to move forward and I'm excited at where I'll be personally, physically, and professionally by the end of 2011. In these 3 1/2 months only time will tell.

Bring it on! Let's get crackin'!

Getting in Gear!

Greetings from DC!

On a layover here in DC and am really feeding off this great energy of adrenaline that I have in anticipation of the next few days. I always am amazed to thing I've nearly been to the moon and back all while being blessed with the greatest of company in my fellow crew-members, as well as meeting up with loved ones along the way.

To think... I woke up in SF, will go to sleep in DC tonight. *pause for a now short rest in DC and a lovely breakfast with the crew* (maybe a quick warm up workout before breakfast... eh, perhaps.)

Then off to SF. Then scramble over a gate or two to hitch a ride to LA to see a friend and spend the night.

Then beeline it back to SF the next day in time to have a rehearsal among an amazing set of dancers, AND greet and host my parents at my house that night.

Then SHAZAM! Over to Seattle first thing in the morning to then drive up to Vancouver, British Columbia to celebrate my lola's 85th birthday.

The family hugs and kisses and drinks and dances, then my parents and boyfriend and I WOOSH! Back to SF come Monday afternoon so that Dad and boyfriend can get back to work Tuesday morning. And well, I'll be sleeping in hopefully since I just have a red eye flight on Tuesday night.

I'll be back to SF to come home to just my boyfriend next Wednesday night. No parents, no aunties, or uncles, or cousins. Just us.

This is my life. It's crazy, but  I don't know that I'd trade it for anything else at the moment.

Chaos kind of excites me :)

My Permission Slip to Dominate the Galaxy

To all my inner demons and ugly voices that have ever doubted my strengths and my cojones...

Here it is, my official permission slip to dominate the galaxy.

Read it and weep, suckas!

---------- * ----------

I, Marissa Alyce Cruz, officially give myself permission to declare what I don't want and what I do want.  

X      Marissa Cruz       
Print Name:      Marissa Cruz            Date:        9/6/11      

---------- * ----------

While I'm at it, I'll include my Official Conviction Contract:

I, Marissa Alyce Cruz, promise to honor and obey --forever-- my Official Conviction Contract. I determine, dictate and direct my financial value!

X      Marissa Cruz       

Print Name:      Marissa Cruz            Date:        9/6/11      

---------- * ----------

Contracts courtesy of

Erika Lyremark - Whip Master

at The Daily Whip

I'm  doing it. I'm taking the plunge. I'm going to invest my time and energy into being the event planning maven that I'm destined to be.

And I'll be doing it through the Morning Whip starting September 25th. It's going to be a wild ride!

Thank you Eryka for the nudge in getting off my ass and fully on board for my Red Carpet Dream.
Let's get crackin!

Cheers!

Perks of Being a [Blog]flower

Yesterday, I finished reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky. It was a pretty quick read; entertaining and fun. The ending wound up having a pretty remarkable impact on me. I highly recommend the book, and I really can't tell you what it is "about" but I can tell you that it's taught me a lesson or two about how to be a good friend.

In the book, Sam, a college bound bright-eyed girl, tells Charlie- the star of the story:

"Charlie, don't you get it?... It's great that you can listen and be a shoulder to someone, but what about when someone doesn't need a shoulder. What if they need the arms or something like that? You can't just sit there and put everybody's lives ahead of yours and think that counts as love. You just can't. You have to do things."

Now, I've created a habit of following a handful of blogs that are the call-to-action kind of blogs. Blogs and newsletters about DIY projects, entrepreneurial success stories, and such... I realize now that I've been soaking up all this great info like a sponge. But there comes a time where you've got to drop the sponge act and get out there and participate.

So here I am. Definitely a newbie at blogging, but ready to get out there and contribute to the conversations that until now I've only followed from a distance. I don't know that I'm an expert at any one thing, but maybe through this practice of blogging, I'll find my niche. Even if I don't, I'm ready to get off the wall.

What's Cookin' Canada?

1818 PST - Tuesday, April 19, 2011 - Burnaby, British Columbia - Canada

Hello old friend.. I know I've been a bit of a butt head in not contributing much here but fear no more, I'm back.

I recently had the pleasure of seeing a friend of mine by the name of Nicole Maxali on stage performing an excerpt of her very own "I Heart Lola" solo show. It was entertaining in every sense - funny, touching, a tad tragic, but also so inspiring. It totally had me thinking about my own grandmother, Mama Heck, and how I really ought to be picking her brain as often as I can. Mama Heck - mother of 11, grandmother of something like 24, and great-grandmother of 1 (my little monster but oh-so-adorable of a niece); just think about the volumes of stories that she must have!! It'd be too big of a shame not to uncover what I can when I see her. Mama Heck is well loved by so many folks because she's a super sweet lady, and also an AMAZING cook. So for once, my goal for this visit to Canada (home of just about all of my aunts, uncles, and cousins, and of course Mama Heck) is not going to be shopping - besides, the exchange rate is almost even and herrro! I live in SF, I can pretty much get anything there that I could get here. My goal is to collect as many of MH's recipes that I can. She makes this suuuuperrrr goooooood spaghetti sauce that is so popular that any time she would visit my family in California, we'd have her make three huge batches and we'd freeze it so we could keep it year round when she wasn't home to make it. Another favorite of mine is these lettuce wraps she made me once, again, suuuuperrrr goooooood! As we speak MH is on a Costco run with Tita Betsy, hopefully MH won't be too tired to share when they return.

I have to apologize for keeping you hanging for so long. All my bad. However, I'm going to make a point of writing more. After all, my cousin Ina is on a blogging kick so I figure, it's never too late to start? I hear foot steps! MH is back. Time to get cookin'!

Home, Bittersweet, Home... and stuff.

October 7, 2010 - 1309 PST - Fresno, CA

Oh Fresno... the hometown that I seldom miss when I'm away [be it in the Bay or elsewhere], yet I can't ever leave easily once I'm here. What should have been a quick over night to see the charming parents, my little ankle-biting niece, and both bickering brothers for once, is now a not-so-quick three-day event. It wasn't the intention to stay the extra days, but between my ever so wonderful and understanding Prince Charming and well, my mother almost begging me to stay, I sent my Mr. Wonderful back to the Bay solo so that I could continue family time. Yay team...

Though I really don't like for my Mr. Wonderful to make the 3-4 hour trek alone, I figured it would finally give me the time to sort through my heaping pile of "stuff." You see, the "stuff" I have here has had to be transferred time and time again to three different rooms since I've last lived in this house. It's amazing all the changes that a little bundle of joy (that would be my ankle-biting niece) will bring to a dwelling.

The so-called "stuff" that I'm being forced to go through isn't old trophies and stuffed dolls- all of that is garbage when it comes down to it. Material things won't illicit the same emotions years and years later. Hell, some of the crap I absolutely adored from ex-boyfriends now only remind me of how utterly stupid I was to be so weak/vulnerable/goo-goo eyed, etc. But w o r d s . . . words convey the thoughts, feelings, ideas, convictions, and passions that one experiences at a given time. My heaping pile of "stuff" was not old shoes or clothes, it was school work -- most ALLLLLL of my old school work. Everything from my California mission report from the fourth grade and my country report on the Philippines in the sixth grade, to my AP calculus notes from senior year in high school and my Macro-economic notes in college.

At first I was so offended at the thought of just throwing it away. These are memories people!

Blood. Sweat
Tears. Sleepless nights.
Crumpled drafts thrown around the room.
Wads of hair in the drain from all the stress.
Hey, I didn't say they were all good memories...

I remember the roller coaster of emotions all too well. I've always loved writing and language classes, but I was never too fond of deadlines. As much of a procrastinator as I was, I found I was even more so an over-achiever. I knew I could score golden stars and 100% in most classes. And I'm going to go ahead and *toot*toot* my own horn for a bit... I did. I was one overly involved, overly worked, overly ambitious little cookie. I was a ROCK STAR. [Wow, I just envisioned Molly Shannon's 'Super Star!' SNL scene... I wasn't all that far from it actually.. yikes!]

I have no clue how I managed to maintain such high energy throughout high school and university but I must have more than managed. I think about how much I had on my plate back then and am just amazed that these lazy bones ever worked so hard.

I'm now out of college. Immersed in the working world, the real world. It's so strange though that it almost doesn't feel so real. In high school and university I felt so much more in tuned to real worldly things-- things like religion, philosophy, cultural inequities, social injustices-- REAL FUCKING THINGS! And now... I feel unchallenged, unmotivated, uninspired, and desensitized.

I really hate the thought of living in the glory days of college house parties and constantly reminiscing over how things used to be. But I do find it quite alarming that the girl that used to have so much fire and audacity is now struggling to keep those embers ignited. Where did she go?

I suppose it's time to wrap up this pity party and bring on the recycling party-- heavens no, I would NEVER burn this pile of papers -- tree hugger!!! remember?! I can still be the over-achieving fiery ROCK STAR, right? Well, I'm ok with dropping the over-achiever bit so long as I can still kick ass in the end. I'm ready to own my thoughts again. What I mean by that is to put them into w o r d s again. Meaning, to actually put the pen to the paper, or this blogging thing works too. I'm ready to set myself free from this ball and chain of self-doubt and limited expectations.

Time to let go.

Probably less than half of my big-O pile of "stuff" that I laid to rest in the recycling can.

"If you wanna fly, you got to give up
the shit that weighs you down."
- Toni Morrison

word.

meesa mar mar binks

Hello blog, and whomever might be reading this..

This is a project that I have been meaning to start for quite some time. Sooo here goes! This is my first shot at writing anything meant for others to enjoy [hopefully speaking] so please feel free to leave any feedback, good or bad. I'd like to think I'm a big girl and can take some criticism here and there.

A bit more about the marvelous mar mar binks...

I'm a San Francisco resident, that is whenever I'm not flying the friendly skies for work. Yes, you guessed it... I am indeed a flight attendant, also dubbed an In-Flight Teammate, or Aeronautical Beverage Engineer depending on whom you ask.

I'm a performer with a cultural folk dance company based in SF. It is such a blessing to be surrounded by so many forms of art in the city and I love learning about different cultures and backgrounds through outlets other than cuisine... though, I don't mind that either.

I'm pretty ghetto-fantabulous when it comes down to it. I can gig/jerk/electric slide/drop it like it's hot... but you really wouldn't think so. And when I'm not gettin' jiggy and goin' bo-jangles, I like to sew and create new things.

That's it for now. See you later, aldergator.

mar